What I like to do is come in, write the entire program and treat my staff to hot stone massages.

The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.

There's always anxiety when you start a new job, you're the one guy who doesn't know where the ketchup is.

The psychology degree is simply that I was a chemistry major, and they kept wanting the correct answer, whereas in psychology you basically write whatever you want, and chances are you get a B.

Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.

Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.

That is the American experiment. An ethnic group arriving on America's shores, to be reviled and hazed, living in squalor, or if they are lucky Squalor Heights, working hard to give their children or grandchildren the opportunity to sh*t on the next group landing on our shores.