Comedy is the only form of entertainment where the audience doesn't know what to expect. In an evening, you might get ten comics doing ten different things. That's not what happens when you go to hear music. There isn't a classical performance followed by a hoedown followed by rap.

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.

I have a lot of hostility.

Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president!

The Oscars is the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any money to the Democratic Party

Stephen Colbert is also then turned into news.