The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

In the whole history of the world there is but one thing that money cannot buy...to wit--the wag of a dog's tail.

There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they actually can't tell the truth without lying.

True wisdom is plenty of experience, observation, and reflection. False wisdom is plenty of ignorance, arrogance, and impudence.

There are only two qualities in the world: efficiency and inefficiency; and only two sorts of people: the efficient and the inefficient.

Dr. Holmes says, both wittily and truly, that crying widows are easiest consoled.

The truly innocent are those who not only are guiltless themselves but who think others are.