Lying is like trying to hide in a fog: If you move about you're in danger of bumping your head against the truth, and as soon as the fog blows off, you are gone anyhow.

The highest philosophers, in explaining the mystery of this world, are obliged to call in the aid of another.

There never yet was a mother who taught her child to be an infidel.

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.

I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me.

You can reach stupidity only with a cannon ball.

Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.