There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.

Clothes form the intellect of the dandy.

Ignorance ain't not knowin' stuff; ignorance is knowin' stuff that AIN'T TRUE.

The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

Titles are valuable; they make us acquainted with many persons who otherwise would be lost among the rubbish.