I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.

It's like the panda, they say that's dying out. But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating.

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for

They do it in Thai restaurants in London. You ask for a drink, and it comes in a glass with loads of seaweed and pebbles in it like a scene from Finding Nemo.

It's weird how me and that insect are miles apart in terms of lifestyle, yet we both like a biscuit.

By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.

I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.