I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.

Blind people can stay up longer than someone with eyes.

There’s fish in here that I’ve read about that are so see-through that they’re invisible. So I don’t even think they know they exist.

Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die.

There was some women in a café the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about "oh the baby's lovely." They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I don't know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I don't know what kept me from sayin' it.

They've found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit. People moan saying that you shouldn't lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up. The idea that it's roaming in a jungle... get it locked up.