I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else to drown it out at the time?

People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?

I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt.

Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?

Every problem solved is a problem made.

For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.