For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.

Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.

Blind people can stay up longer than someone with eyes.

The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’

People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?

Where you are is what you eat. When I'm in London I'll have beans on toast for lunch. On holiday - what? Tapas? Go on then I'll have a bit. You eat whatevers in that area.

I'm just sayin', I don't like fun.