They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else to drown it out at the time?

Shitty nappy whizzing through the air, you don't see that in the brochures.

When i was younger i remember once i went to bed and i was so happy that i laughed myself to sleep.

The Tudors, I don't even know if I had a family back then.

I've got loads of nieces and nephews.

I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest.

There was some women in a café the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about "oh the baby's lovely." They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I don't know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I don't know what kept me from sayin' it.