Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says.

Happiness is like a cake: have too much of it and you get sick of it.

If you are living the dream, how do you know if you are asleep or awake?

Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really.

The Chichen Itza is just a pyramid with four sides, with stairs on each side leading to some kind of bungalow on the top.

I don’t understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture.

Treat the world like a head.