They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.

Everywhere we walked we got plenty of attention due to the camera and sound men. The locals love to get on camera. [...] I'd seen footage of Gandhi surrounded like this and always thought it was because he was very popular, but now I wonder if it was just because he had a camera crew with him.

When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in.

The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... but we never saw his wife.

Stay green, stay in the woods, and stay safe.

If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people.

Treat the world like a head.