The great pyramid is overrated. It's a bad design. The lounge is going to be huge, but the bedroom is going to be tiny.

We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that.

How would I know which one I was?

She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?

I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.

For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.

There’s fish in here that I’ve read about that are so see-through that they’re invisible. So I don’t even think they know they exist.