Shitty nappy whizzing through the air, you don't see that in the brochures.

The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’

If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people.

I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book.'

I'm just sayin', I don't like fun.

The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much.

I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin.