It wouldn't happen... There hasn't been one publication by a monkey

I've been on the planet for 40 years now, and I'm still none the wiser as to what it's all about really. I've never worried about life's big questions. People at my age sit about pondering, 'Why are we here?' The only time I ever asked myself that is when Suzanne booked us a surprise holiday to Lanzarote.

The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’

There’s fish in here that I’ve read about that are so see-through that they’re invisible. So I don’t even think they know they exist.

I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.

People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right?

If you can't do it, don't do it.