It's like the panda, they say that's dying out. But what do they do? When you see them they're just sitting in the jungle eating.

It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle.

She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.

It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.

It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep.

I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.