I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs.

The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’

Knowledge is almost annoying.

Every problem solved is a problem made.

If you’re worrying about the wrinkles on your bollocks I’d say your life’s pretty good

Me mum used to always have the radio on - even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school - constant noise, really.

We came from the sea originally, now we're going back in it. Don't go in it, unless you're in a boat.