Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.

I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.

Well...like, when you're born, you're a little baby, you're wrinkly and stuff, when you get older you sort of morph into a baby again.

I've heard that fact, that is you eat more than six bananas it will kill you. I saw a bowl with seven bananas in it and I thought, that's dangerous.

If you haven't got eyes, you shouldn't have wings

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off.

I've always wanted to kick a duck up the arse