Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.

It wouldn't happen... There hasn't been one publication by a monkey

The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... but we never saw his wife.

People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!

It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.

As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th.

If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?