When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in.

I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit.

So you're sayin that it's easy to send somat up to space, but you don't believe there's a little banana machine?

It is hard eating a little kangaroo knob.

Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.

What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?

We've invented most of the stuff that we need and now we're just messing about