I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.

There was some women in a café the other week that I was sat in, and she came up and she sat down with her mate and she was talkin' loudly goin' on about "oh the baby's lovely." They said it's got, er, lovely big eyes, er, really big hands and feet. Now that doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like sayin' it sounds like a frog. But I thought I don't know her, there's only so much you can say to a stranger. I don't know what kept me from sayin' it.

The only reason you don't go on holiday, is 'cause you have to spend money.

It's no good operating on eyes if your eyes are asleep.

With identical twins, you always get a little snidey one.

The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’

You don't get anything done by planning