The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... but we never saw his wife.

I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs.

If you don't sleep you get run down. Sloths never get a flu, cos its good innit thats when your body's replemishing.

I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything.

So you're sayin that it's easy to send somat up to space, but you don't believe there's a little banana machine?

My brain's just full of passwords.

Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says.