When I see you, I smile. When I touch you, I feel you. When I kiss you, I love you!

Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part.

I do road gigs occasionally but I don't want to go out on the road for months at a time.

When my pals in high school were starting to drink, it always looked unappealing to me. I would be at a big party and see one of the popular girls or football players completely wasted and puking and acting a fool, and think to myself, there is nothing cool about that. I never wanted to be that out of control.

That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.

I was raised right — I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners.

I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.