I'm saying that she (Whitney Houston) looks great for a singer... the way Courtney Love is a singer.

I was a soccer cheerleader. It doesn't get nerdier than that. I was fired from the soccer cheerleading squad after one year, which I believe to this day is unprecedented. You have to understand, no one went to the soccer games. In fact, I believe part of my duties as a cheerleader was to bake brownies for the team.

My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.

When I'm going to see a comedian, I don't want to see them hold back, and when I'm reading a book, I don't want to hear an abridged version.

I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.

There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day - it's just that that's when they make doughnuts.

I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.