When I'm going to see a comedian, I don't want to see them hold back, and when I'm reading a book, I don't want to hear an abridged version.

The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.

I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.

It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.

I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.

That's life when you're on the D-list.

I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.