It's a mystery of parenthood that your son can give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a stray, worm-riddled dog, share a piece of re-chewed gum from a kid with bronchitis and pick his nose and eat it on a regular basis, yet won't sit next to his sister because of 'Girl Germs'.

Teenagers are obviously God's punishment for having sex in the first place.

The name Kylie can be used for Scrabble, as it is an aboriginal word for boomerang. Which is why Ms Minogue is so good at comebacks.

People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.

If he wants breakfast in bed, tell him to sleep in the kitchen.

Basically it's just a whole bunch of blokes standing around scratching themselves

Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.