If the Nobel Prize was awarded by a woman, it would go to the inventor of the dimmer switch.

Basically it's just a whole bunch of blokes standing around scratching themselves

It's a mystery of parenthood that your son can give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a stray, worm-riddled dog, share a piece of re-chewed gum from a kid with bronchitis and pick his nose and eat it on a regular basis, yet won't sit next to his sister because of 'Girl Germs'.

I am allergic to domestic goddesses. Men would prefer a woman with a dirty mind to a clean house.

Love is like a tide. When it's in, everything looks beautiful and inviting. Only when love recedes can you see the debris beneath the surface - the old bottles, the rusty prams, the sewage pipes, the bloated cats and dogs weighted down to drown. The man I had once loved so passionately I now saw as weak, gutted like a fish.

What creates a writer is huge, psychological dysfunction.

People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.