Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.

Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.

My teeth are all my own. I've just finished paying for them.

Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'

Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.