My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'
My teeth are all my own. I've just finished paying for them.
Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!
Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.