Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty, while bein' above suspicion is about th' only compensation fer bein' homely.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.