If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

There's many a slip twixt the blueprints and a new house.

I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.