I don't know of anything better than a woman if you want to spend money where it will show.

I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them.

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done