A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

Experience is a dear teacher but he delivers th' goods.

I will say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that is more than I can say for prosperity.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

We're all self-made men, but not very many of us have stayed on the job.

A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.