It's the good loser who finally loses out.

It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game.

I'm sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory. Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.

University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.

If there's any literary ability in a feller, getting fired out of a good government job will bring it out.