There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

When a woman says, 'I don't wish to mention any names', it means it ain't necessary to mention any names.

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.