God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

I want to see a Jew in the White house.

The people I respect all died broke and despairing. They didn't leave a lot of hammered iron behind them like Donald Trump has done.

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

I want to be governor [of Texas] because I need the closet space.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.