May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

I want to be governor [of Texas] because I need the closet space.

If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

I'm well aware that the Nelson Mandelas and the Winston Churchills of the world happened by accident. They usually come out of nowhere.

This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.

Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.