Now I have a cat. Well, that's not quite accurate. A cat and I have each other.

The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.

If you're patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it'll usually be something you don't like.

I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.