I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York.

Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.

I want to be governor [of Texas] because I need the closet space.

But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream.

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.