The reason educational spending in Texas is so low is because you don't have a state tax there, and that's why Texas is big growth because you don't tax people to death.

Simón Bolívar is the only person in history to be exiled from a country named after him.

I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.

Like most of us, I determined that I'd rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution.

I'm also for gay marriage, because I say they have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us. Love is bigger than government. And Texas, by the way, has a very progressive law about gay couples adopting kids. We just won't let them get married. So that's not common sense.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

My definition of an artist is anyone who's ahead of his time and behind on his rent.