You never marry the person you first see 'Casablanca' with.

The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!