If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?