If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.