If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.