If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.

Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.

I prefer writing for myself to perform, I guess. But if I had to choose, I'd rather perform in someone's movie than write a movie for someone else.

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.