If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.