Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.