Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.

I would like to be known as someone who was really sweet but also knowledgeable in all areas of life.