Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.

I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.