I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

All the best movies are the ones that are cut from a more middle ground.