I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

I prefer writing for myself to perform, I guess. But if I had to choose, I'd rather perform in someone's movie than write a movie for someone else.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.