I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

I prefer writing for myself to perform, I guess. But if I had to choose, I'd rather perform in someone's movie than write a movie for someone else.