Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.
One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!
The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'
No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.
Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.
The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.