Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.