I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?