I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.