Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

I would like to be known as someone who was really sweet but also knowledgeable in all areas of life.

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.

If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?