Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.

I'd hate to be a writer forever and never perform, and I'd hate to perform and not write. I get sad if time has passed and I haven't written or made anything. I'm an artist.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.