Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

I would like to be known as someone who was really sweet but also knowledgeable in all areas of life.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

I would love for people to know that the label feminist is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.