Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print.

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.