Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.