Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

I would like to be known as someone who was really sweet but also knowledgeable in all areas of life.

This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.