The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.