The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up.

I prefer writing for myself to perform, I guess. But if I had to choose, I'd rather perform in someone's movie than write a movie for someone else.

You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.