Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.