Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.

1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.

If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.