If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like.

I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.